A Letter From Katie in Oxford, England
Pre-Covid 19: Enjoying a pint at a pub in Windsor
Hello HYD family,
Sending warm greetings & socially distant hugs from 4,000 miles away… in Oxford, England. Never in a million years would I have imagined we would be moving internationally, but here we are. We arrived in the UK in November of last year. While we’re discussing things we didn’t necessarily expect to happen - how about living abroad during a global pandemic. I typically prepare myself for the worst case scenario, but I’ll admit, I didn’t see this one coming.
The past 6 months haven’t looked exactly like what we had in mind when we decided to make this transition. I knew uprooting our lives and moving to a foreign land would stretch me, but this challenge and discomfort has been different & deeper than I thought. We miss our friends & family something fierce. Some days I’m so homesick and desperate for anything familiar that I cry and whine to Andy about how badly I miss Chick-fil-a . I miss my big comfy couch, our dishes, our willow tree in the backyard, and so many other little tiny details that made our house our “home”. Other days I get so swept up in the charm of British accents, old (I mean seriously old) buildings & architecture, and funny named food items at the grocery store - I forget to be sad. The range of emotions is wide, my friends.
We’ve (virtually) celebrated the births of our friends’ new babies, a wedding shower, birthdays of family members, Easter and Mother’s Day. We’ve (virtually) mourned with others and tearfully asked our closest friends for prayers and encouragement. Thank goodness for the internet. However, our screens just can’t offer the warmth of a tight embrace, the smell of your parents house, or the feeling of togetherness that we so deeply miss. Our digital connections are limited. So for now, we’ll keep on Zoom-ing and Marco Polo-ing and Face-timing… because it’s better than nothing, but we cannot wait for the day we get to hold our people again!
“It’s hard to be “stuck” anywhere and unmet expectations & disappointments are real, no matter where you live or what season you’re in.”
It’s ok to grieve. If you haven’t given yourself permission to do so yet, let me invite you to start. I’ve done my fair share of it, and will likely continue to do so as long as this “lockdown” continues for us. We had hopes of exploring Europe, traveling around the UK, and meeting so many new faces. Obviously, none of that is happening at the moment.
Despite all of the challenges, this season has been punctuated with joyful surprises too. Just days before her 77th birthday, we met our neighbor Anne. We celebrated her with a rose plant & hand written card- but her grateful smile was a an even greater gift to us. Our seemingly lifeless back garden is blooming beautifully- roses, a fern, sage, lavender, rosemary, and even peonies. We’ve literally stumbled into wild horses & cattle on our evening walks to Port Meadow. A kind couple from New Zealand let us borrow their canoe. Last month was the sunniest April in England, on record. Despite us being together non-stop for the past 2 months, Andy & I aren’t sick of each other & we’re laughing a lot. We’ll keep counting the joys.
How a few ways we’re “keeping calm & carrying on”:
Naming the pain. When we have words to identify what exactly we miss, we say it. When we’re disappointed about something specific, we claim it. It helps us each understand where the other is, emotionally. We’ve committed to trying not to immediately “fix it” or put a positive spin on these things. Sometimes we just need space to say what’s hurting.
Paying attention to what’s blooming. Even if you don’t have a garden or yard of your own. When you’re walking, look closely at the new life around you. Spring is literally unfolding right before our eyes (and noses). Smell the flowers and don’t miss it! I take photos and send them to my plant savvy friends in hopes that they can identify them for me.
Getting outside every chance we get. It used to require perfect weather to get me outdoors, not anymore. If its rainy, windy or cold - we must walk!. For our sanity’s sake, we walk.
Enjoying good music. It’s amazing how my mood changes if I incorporate the right tunes - it makes cooking fun, work feel more productive and reading even more peaceful with the right background music. Also, the comfort of some solid throwbacks and 90’s favorites have really given us all the nostalgic feels.
Playing games. We’ve been playing Spades some nights after dinner instead of watching a show. My husbands’ roommates from college get together via Zoom and play Settlers of Catan.
Connecting. This is mostly happening virtually, but in person- we’re trying to put our phones away for meals and walks. We try to say hi & smile at strangers, grocery workers, and neighbors because I bet they’re all missing connection too.
Celebrating the reality that we are indeed, stronger than we thought. People are facing much greater pain and loss than we can even comprehend - people battling the virus, individuals facing intense loneliness, those who have lost loved ones, medical workers serving our communities daily - the list could go on. All I know is that we are all truly much stronger than we knew before all of this.
With love from the Martins in England 🇬🇧
Cheers!
Katie (and Andy)
